Living with Intention

I have been doing a lot of reflecting and coasting lately – just “being” with myself and with my life. The noise in my head is sometimes louder than others.

I find myself asking questions like: What am I doing with my life? Am I doing what I should be doing? Am I living my best life and living to my potential?

I put so much pressure on myself to “do it right”. I look at other people’s lives and feel like there is so much happening “out there” with other people, while my world feels so small and uneventful.

What’s ironic is that a lot of people are envious of my peaceful life. I have my finances secure, I have the gift of time to workout and take care of myself. I have one child who I have a good, solid relationship with (always a work in progress with a 16 year old, but as I let go of my judgments and the way I think it should be, we are more connected). I have love in my life: a partner who loves me unconditionally, I have my own company that allows me a ton of freedom to do what I want. I have a beautiful home to live in. Both of my parents are alive and well. I am on great terms with my ex-husband (not a lot of people can say that). I make time to work on my spiritual self. I seem to “have it all”.

So, why does it constantly feel as if something is missing, or that something is wrong? Should I be busier? Should I be more active in a community, etc? What is that? What would happen if I surrendered to my life as is and just embraced it? That is an odd feeling for me. I feel like I always need to be searching, but it’s starting to feel like I am chasing my tail.

Part of my intention for my life is to keep uncovering what this is and to get grounded in WHAT IS in my life.

I want to find my flow in the world and step into my power. What is the best use of my gifts? Where do I best fit in? What is it that people get from me? What do I have to contribute? I am afraid that I am going to miss the boat and one day I will look back and think I should have done it all differently.

What moves me? I am moved by people being real and vulnerable. I am moved by true contribution to another person with no expectation of anything in return. I am moved by people who are courageous enough to overcome personal challenges.

What motivates me and lights me up? When am I my best self? When I help someone or do something for someone else – I am fortunate enough to have a company that allows me to contribute and help people all day long. I feel empowered and motivated when I am working out in the gym, when I am running outside and listening to music or having a deep conversation where I am connecting with someone and really being “gotten” or heard.

I feel the need to expand my circle/community so that I am surrounded by people I admire – being In an environment where I am pulled to be my best self and simultaneously in which people see my “bigness” and don’t stand for small ways of being, like complaining, gossiping, being negative and so on.

I am inspired through yoga and meditation in the sense that I understand when I sit still with myself, thoughts become more clear and I understand all of this at a deeper level.

The bottom line is to continue to get grounded in who I am and exactly where I am…to get that nothing is wrong and to celebrate the blessings in my life. It’s all perfect as it is, and as I keep myself open, the universe will guide me towards the things I am looking for.

I realize that I have manifested this beautiful life – every aspect of it is my creation. If that’s the case, then letting go and trusting the universe will lead me to the next places in my life and put me exactly where I should be.

C.P.