Deceit

I had just ended a short engagement. We met through my ex, although we worked for the same agency. We would see each other at work for brief moments. I have to admit, I knew when he was coming to my location, so I made sure I was around to see him. That was when the flirting started.

I didn’t know he was married at first, but I soon found out he was. That’s where my story begins.

I had just left another relationship, and I was in the process of moving into an apartment. There he was, following behind me. He was obviously trying to get my attention. I pulled over to the side of the street and asked, “What are you doing?”

His reply: “Waiting for you.” It was cute I felt my heart flutter. We talked for a few minutes, then I went about my day.

It was Fourth of July, 2003. I was out with my girlfriend at a local bar, and that’s when I saw him. I pushed my way through the crowd to get to him and pretended to step on his feet. Flirting again.

The bar was closing and he asked if I wanted to go for a ride. I smiled and said yes. He took me out to his grandfather’s farm. We rode on a three-wheeled golf cart. We headed out behind the barn and ended up in an open spot. We stood there laughing, talking, and joking around. We started kissing and hugging each other. He decided he would start a fire, even though it had been raining for days, and the fire didn’t start.

As the sun started to come up, he said, “I have to go.” He took me to my car. From that day forward, he was the only man I can say I truly loved, unconditionally.

We took long rides, went rafting, hung out with his friends, met at local bars, went to dinner out of town, planned overnights, went to football games, and enjoyed each other’s company. There was nothing normal about this. Every school vacation he would go to Florida with his wife and family. He would send me Nike sneakers and call me every day at least three times a day. As soon as he got back he would come and see me. I never met his kids or his family, but he met my daughter.

By 2008, he got caught. He called and said his wife found out about us. He came to my house said he was sorry. And he left.

A few months later he texted me. “Hi,” I replied, and it began again.

I thought this time was different. He and his wife had decided it wasn’t working. He told his wife that he was with me. I was thrilled. I was finally going to meet the kids and family and everything we going to be perfect.

Not the case.

She signed up for a dating site and started talking to someone. He became jealous, and his jealousy drove him to want her back. Eventually the situation took the same pattern – driving out of town to see me and hanging out with the friends who could keep his secret.

He got caught again. She called my house and confronted me. Our relationship ended again, and this time he said he was done. He said he cared about me but couldn’t keep up the charade. I was devastated. I couldn’t accept what he did.

Some would say I acted like a crazy woman. I did. I wanted answers. I wanted closure. But most of all, I wanted to understand. I called, emailed, and texted for months. Finally, he decided to meet me and explain. It didn’t help; it made things worse. I couldn’t accept what he was telling me. I wouldn’t let it go, so for about nine months I bothered him.

Finally, October 13, 2014 he met me at a park. He got into my car and hugged me and held me like he used to. I was sad and confused. I wanted nothing more than to be with this man.

He said, “I’ve missed you, and I hope you know that not a day has gone by that I didn’t think of you.” I told him it didn’t feel that way when he didn’t respond to me. It was then that we started it over again. This time I made it clear his wife would not be the one calling me, I’d be the one calling her.

So from October until January 31, 2015, I went along with his game. We did nothing together for three months. We took a few rides together, but fought. Even though he kept telling me he was leaving and buying his aunt’s house, he was doing things with his wife and not going anywhere.

I called his house February 1, 2015 and told his wife exactly what had been going on and what he was telling me. She didn’t believe me and told me he didn’t want to talk to me.

He called me six days later and tried to explain. I didn’t buy it. I told him I could never understand how someone could lie, cheat, and deceive someone who cared so much for someone. His reply: “I love you and want to be with you. I just can’t right now.”

If someone loves you, they will do whatever it takes to be with you. They will be honest and open about their feelings. He was never honest with anyone. In the end, everyone got hurt and I ended up alone. He went back home to his wife and kids.

The worst part is that I have lived in a box for so long that I don’t know how to get back out there and find true love. I’m broken. It’s been five months and I’m still sad, hurt and confused.

I hope that anyone out there who is involved with a married man takes this as an example. He will never leave for you. He gets to have his cake and eat it too.