I had just ended a short engagement. We met through my ex, although we worked for the same agency. We would see each other at work for brief moments. I have to admit, I knew when he was coming to my location, so I made sure I was around to see him. That was when the flirting started.

I didn’t know he was married at first, but I soon found out he was. That’s where my story begins.

I had just left another relationship, and I was in the process of moving into an apartment. There he was, following behind me. He was obviously trying to get my attention. I pulled over to the side of the street and asked, “What are you doing?”

His reply: “Waiting for you.” It was cute I felt my heart flutter. We talked for a few minutes, then I went about my day.

It was Fourth of July, 2003. I was out with my girlfriend at a local bar, and that’s when I saw him. I pushed my way through the crowd to get to him and pretended to step on his feet. Flirting again.

The bar was closing and he asked if I wanted to go for a ride. I smiled and said yes. He took me out to his grandfather’s farm. We rode on a three-wheeled golf cart. We headed out behind the barn and ended up in an open spot. We stood there laughing, talking, and joking around. We started kissing and hugging each other. He decided he would start a fire, even though it had been raining for days, and the fire didn’t start.

As the sun started to come up, he said, “I have to go.” He took me to my car. From that day forward, he was the only man I can say I truly loved, unconditionally.

We took long rides, went rafting, hung out with his friends, met at local bars, went to dinner out of town, planned overnights, went to football games, and enjoyed each other’s company. There was nothing normal about this. Every school vacation he would go to Florida with his wife and family. He would send me Nike sneakers and call me every day at least three times a day. As soon as he got back he would come and see me. I never met his kids or his family, but he met my daughter.

By 2008, he got caught. He called and said his wife found out about us. He came to my house said he was sorry. And he left.

A few months later he texted me. “Hi,” I replied, and it began again.

I thought this time was different. He and his wife had decided it wasn’t working. He told his wife that he was with me. I was thrilled. I was finally going to meet the kids and family and everything we going to be perfect.

Not the case.

She signed up for a dating site and started talking to someone. He became jealous, and his jealousy drove him to want her back. Eventually the situation took the same pattern – driving out of town to see me and hanging out with the friends who could keep his secret.

He got caught again. She called my house and confronted me. Our relationship ended again, and this time he said he was done. He said he cared about me but couldn’t keep up the charade. I was devastated. I couldn’t accept what he did.

Some would say I acted like a crazy woman. I did. I wanted answers. I wanted closure. But most of all, I wanted to understand. I called, emailed, and texted for months. Finally, he decided to meet me and explain. It didn’t help; it made things worse. I couldn’t accept what he was telling me. I wouldn’t let it go, so for about nine months I bothered him.

Finally, October 13, 2014 he met me at a park. He got into my car and hugged me and held me like he used to. I was sad and confused. I wanted nothing more than to be with this man.

He said, “I’ve missed you, and I hope you know that not a day has gone by that I didn’t think of you.” I told him it didn’t feel that way when he didn’t respond to me. It was then that we started it over again. This time I made it clear his wife would not be the one calling me, I’d be the one calling her.

So from October until January 31, 2015, I went along with his game. We did nothing together for three months. We took a few rides together, but fought. Even though he kept telling me he was leaving and buying his aunt’s house, he was doing things with his wife and not going anywhere.

I called his house February 1, 2015 and told his wife exactly what had been going on and what he was telling me. She didn’t believe me and told me he didn’t want to talk to me.

He called me six days later and tried to explain. I didn’t buy it. I told him I could never understand how someone could lie, cheat, and deceive someone who cared so much for someone. His reply: “I love you and want to be with you. I just can’t right now.”

If someone loves you, they will do whatever it takes to be with you. They will be honest and open about their feelings. He was never honest with anyone. In the end, everyone got hurt and I ended up alone. He went back home to his wife and kids.

The worst part is that I have lived in a box for so long that I don’t know how to get back out there and find true love. I’m broken. It’s been five months and I’m still sad, hurt and confused.

I hope that anyone out there who is involved with a married man takes this as an example. He will never leave for you. He gets to have his cake and eat it too.

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About the Author | A. B.

A.B. likes to make people laugh and is quick with a comeback. She enjoys being organized and loves the beach, wine, and campfires, and hates drama. She is currently a senior in school, finishing her bachelor's degree as a single mother. She has raised her daughter alone, and has taught her to be strong and determined.

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7 comments to "Deceit"

  • lori

    I attended a Woman’s Weekend produced by the Sterling Institute of Relationship, and one of the first things I heard there was that if women did not sleep with married men, infidelity would end. Men can’t keep their peckers in their pants, so it’s up to women to NOT sleep with other women’s husbands. I’ve been the Other Woman too, and I will never again fall into any intimate relationship with an unavailable man who is some other woman’s spouse. Women are the answer. Let’s not be part of the problem of infidelity.

    • Brodie

      That’s utter crap. Sorry, but it is. If the man is in a relationship that’s HIS responsibility. Let’s stop putting the responsibility for male poor behaviour on women. Men can control their sexual urges as much as women can – to say otherwise is to infantalise them and a complete cop out.

      • Brodie- I believe both parties are to blame. Whatever the reason two people are brought together, regardless of their situation there is a reason they have met. In the end someone is bound to get hurt and more then likely it is the other women! I can’t put all the blame on men, it takes two to tangle!

    • Angela

      Lori- thank you. I couldn’t agree more, I will never let myself fall into a trap with a married man. If he didn’t charm me or make me feel so special it would have been easy to walk away. Instead he made me feel special and like I was the only girl in his life. Not the case! I am working on me and trying to move on. Although there are days it’s hard I know it’s the best thing for me. I would never trust him, believe him or feel comfortable if we ended up together. I am a work in progress. :)

  • Carol

    It was only after my divorce and a newly single lady that I realized how many married men were willing to step over the line if I only said yes. I would ask myself, what was I brining to the table: honesty, respect, commitment……what were they brining to the table: a specific body part and their wife and kids. No thanks! Keep your body part and share it with the woman your committed to. Yes, it takes two to tango but really, I have little sympathy for the other woman, you know what you’re getting into with you’re eyes wide open. Stay classy and pass on the married men.

  • Dawn

    It’s time to forgive yourself.
    Thank you for sharing your truth.

    • ange

      Dawn thank you it’s a journey everyday! He played with my head and my feelings. I’ve yet to move on and allow myself to meet anyone.