Finding My Freedom

I am going to be 30 years old soon. I live anonymously in Germany. I wasn’t raised here. When I was 19 years old, my family decided I was to marry a cousin in Pakistan. I knew him. I was not promised to him, but I could not imagine him as my husband. My oldest sister gave me the chance to select one of two possible cousins. But it was still not who I wanted to select.

Afterwards, my mother could not deal with my “NO-THANKS”. She began to rob me of my freedom and would lock me in a room for days. She did not let me out to go to the toilette. I had no food or water. After a couple of days, she would let me out again if I promised to do whatever she wants. I did.

One day I became resigned about what was happening to me in this family. When my mother, or my sisters were beating me I just thought, “It’s ok, because they will never get me down”. One day, when my mom realized I was still resisting, she didn’t know what to do with me. She told my father big lies about me. She wanted him to punish me. My father was actually my “best friend”. He never hit me without any reason. My mother knew this but urged him on. She told him, “Look at your daughter! She is going to be a German slut! She is not doing what I am telling her, she won’t marry. YOU have to do something!”

The end of this story was – my father beat me so badly that I had to go to the hospital for three days. My teeth had been knocked out. I was scarred and I was bleeding everywhere. My entire body was swollen and bloodied. Even though I hadn’t wanted to feel this way, I was very ashamed my father had beaten me. I did not know what to tell the doctors. My oldest sister took me back home. Even then I didn’t know what to tell the doctors. After this happened, no one trusted me. My sisters and other Pakistani friends were told not to have anything to do with me. I was considered a bad girl.

People I didn’t know who saw me on the street, beaten and shunned, helped me to escape from my family. Since then I have been living a hidden life, BUT A LIFE FULL WITH FREEDOM!

What I have learned from this situation: You cannot choose your family, but the world is FULL of beautiful people, who will always help you. They helped me to live a better life. A life without violence! I have freedom of speech. I can do what I want, can go where I want, can think what I want, can go traveling, see the world through my own eyes. I am an independent woman. I now have a good job and I study hard. None of this was possible, when I lived in my parents’ house.

Life itself inspires me. I don’t always feel very happy, because I miss a lot of things. I have learned to live with this. I now have a German family who cares about me much more than my own did. I have sisters and brothers who also love me as a big and younger sister.

The world can be such a good place. We just need the power to change some things. I really wished from my heart, that my mother had changed it, not me. I wished she had taken the first step, but for her it was not possible. So I did it and yes, it’s awesome!

I love my life! It inspires me every single day! On difficult days, I always tell myself “look at you. You have accomplished a lot of things”. I have a group of very good friends who also tell me this. My friends help give me strength to deal with bad days.

It’s a unique experience in my life. It will never come again (thank God). I learned a lot of things up to now – and I want to know more and more. I am still not finished with my life. Everyone I know who has problems I tell them: Just don’t give up. Freedom is the biggest property you have in your life and only YOU can change it.