Home Is Where Again?

We all have a desire for safety, security of the heart, love. Love comes in many, many forms, but in order to truly be love, it must produce the same end goal: that of peace of mind, body, soul—a sense of finding solace in being true to who you really are. That’s the most essential power of love.

Most often than not, the road to this discovery is fraught with treacherous hardship and suffering, leaving even the soul lost and broken. But it’s your perseverance in these feeling states that ultimately lifts you out, raises you to a higher level, brings you home to yourself.

These past few years I have been on such a journey—and perhaps the journey started years ago, even decades, and finally came to its culmination in these more recent times. Yes, I think the mad, mad bipolar recovery years, the crazy cult Calvary Chapel years, for instance, even the blessed disaster of a marriage ending in divorce ever after—even all of that was a meaningful wandering, of being infinitely lost in order to find home.

These past few years I have been a part of the creation of a story; starting with Jane, a character based on Romana, a Doctor Who Time-Lady. I cannot fathom why this character and actress (Mary Tamm) became the key to my journey home, but so it is. In the telling of my story, shot as a Web series, Romana has sacrificed her time-lord status to become a human, Jane Smyth. In this undoing, Jane senses within herself a loneliness and a homesickness. We travel with her as she seeks answers to her heart’s inner cry, and cheer when she finds resolution in her quest.

Coming home leads her to reunion with one of her closest friends, and in that we find the lesson that home is not a mere location but something that exists in the heart. In this reconnection, she once again returns to her true state and discovers love within and without, which despite the circumstances she continues to encounter, brings her true peace.

Thus, for myself, in taking this journey, writing this story, playing this character along with the myriad of individuals that came along to see it to fruition (for which I am most grateful, as I could not have achieved this without their shining faces)—I am filled, surrounded with love within and without, in all its variety. This love brings peace to my soul, thus helping me arrive at my inner home.

However, the journey still continues. There are more “homes” to discover, more lessons to be learned, more love to receive…

And sometimes, along the way, there is the tendency to look back and recall a time that seemed simpler with ever-increasing fondness, as Romana will experience in upcoming episodes.

But in this, it is important to know that this is not truth, or reality, even if there was some semblance of happiness in the past—because the only true reality exists in our hearts, our home.