I have come to the conclusion that there are some lessons that only life can teach you. After surviving life-threatening ordeals from the young and tender age of four, being molested by a pastor and uncle, rape by a police officer at 12 and coping with abortion, being date-raped at 16 by six men, surviving divorce with an ex-husband who abused substances, relationship abandonments, four failed suicides, and homelessness in the U.S., it was accepting the naked truth of my innocence and being able to take a stand for myself and speak out about it that created the opportunity to embrace my turning point.
The turning point that would free from a life of chronic depression, medication, self-doubt, fear of failure, fear of rejection, and fear of my mere existence.
I finally reached a point of no return from the dark and lonely road of rejection, denial, and worthlessness after having been being humiliated and coming to believe the stigma of my existence.
Finally understanding and coming to the full knowledge of Christ and His purpose for my life began to give me the superpower of truthtelling that acted like a fuel injection that strengthened me to believe I could do all things. I believed I could finally be able to forgive not only those who had been my perpetrators, but more importantly, myself for failing to understand my journey with all the pit stops along the way.
The known and unknown reasons suddenly did not matter. What mattered was that I had survived and lived to tell the story and how I’d made it through the process.
I could finally see myself through new lenses as if I was a new person with new ideas, a new personality, and a new perspective on life. This new revelation of my spiritual identity helped me realize how I could positively affect and change not only the lives of those directly around me but all who would listen—mostly the loved ones of those left behind by victims who’d lost their lives through suicide.
This inspiration would drive me to embark on a journey to become the voice on behalf of those who were not heard, those who had suffered in silence and succumbed due to peer pressure. I was deeply moved when listening to a mother of a 12-year-old daughter who’d committed suicide and started advocating on behalf of victims as she expressed and read the suicide note that was left.
Watching the tears roll down her face and listening to the shaking in her voice compelled me to join the truthtelling journey to be the voice on behalf of those who’d survived similar ordeals. I would speak from the other side of the grave to those who now had an opportunity to change their attitudes and minds before stigmatizing or victimizing anther young or old person unable to cope with dear life as we know it.
One of the most valuable lessons I have learned along the way is that no person is worth our tears, and if someone we love is able to make us cry and become so eternally unhappy and distressed that we opt to take a shortcut to the grave, that person never deserved to be loved by us in the first place. Not that there is anything wrong with them, but only that every relationship has a purpose and a season—and not all relationships we enter will be loving or lasting relationships.
What inspires and drives me now is my knowledge that there is a life about to be changed, a new family about to be created, a marriage restored, and hope for a better future for those who have gone through similar journeys and think they do not have a way out.
Being able to be a beacon of hope and using these platforms makes my life worth living; it is a priceless gift to embrace and give.
Being able to face my challenges and life with the full knowledge that regardless of how the truth is presented, it is our truth—whether we come broken, abused, rich, poor, man, or woman, we can remain focused and continue to live. We can empower others around is by leaving a positive legacy and making our mark in this world.
I believe we become better equipped and can proclaim the truth boldly whether we proclaim it by crying, crawling, and even at times experiencing fear. For no matter what, we will remain unbroken.