7 Signs You Lose Yourself in Relationships

If you’re anything like me, the moment you start to really like someone romantically, your world starts to revolve around them.

You want to make sure you meet their needs, but unconsciously you’re also always thinking about ways to make them happy.

You genuinely like the process of striving to be the perfect partner, which is a sweet and endearing quality. However, while you’re submerging yourself in the life of the other person, you might not be prioritizing your own.

You might notice that you aren’t doing the things you used to do that brought you joy, or that you compromise what you really want.

Your self-care starts to slip…

…and maybe you even find yourself suppressing what you really think and feel to keep the peace, or to not “rock the boat.”

I’ve even seen people hide their crystals or the fact that they’re spiritual from their partner, for fear that they’d think they’re too “woo woo!”

Here’s 7 more signs you may have a tendency to lose yourself in relationships…

  1. Shrinking Yourself – Do you find yourself dimming your light and playing small when you’re in relationships? You may even find yourself downplaying your successes, resisting making more money, or not taking a promotion to spare their ego or feelings.
  2. Suppressing Your Voice – Do you hide what you need or desire so you don’t inconvenience your partner? Maybe you even have different political or spiritual views, and you undermine or suppress what you really think because you care what they think about you?
  3. Taking on Their “Stuff” – When your partner goes through a hard time or upset, does it rock you? Do you find yourself worrying about their problems incessantly, or trying to solve their problems for them? When they’re in a bad mood, do you find their emotional state affects yours?
  4. Your Self-Care Slips – Do you skip your yoga class or fall out of your exercise routine? And instead, you find yourself watching episodes of Game of Thrones or doing what they want to do. You’re trying to eat healthy, but somehow you end up eating their favorite meal…pizza and beer…again.
  5. Losing Your Identity – You used to have your own interests and friends, but you find that those are dwindling. It feels like there’s an individual sense of self that you’ve lost while in the relationship.
  6. Your Partner’s Happiness Becomes Your Top Priority –  Do you think of their happiness before your own? You can’t truly make anyone else happy, as that’s an inside job that only they can do. When we have misplaced devotion, our relationship can become toxic and codependent, often enabling our partner. Your own happiness is your responsibility.
  7. Powerlessness – Are you the person in a relationship who is caring or trying more? If you are, then there’s an imbalance. No one person should hold the power in the relationship. This often happens if the relationship starts to deteriorate and only one of the individuals is trying to fix the problems.

We lose ourselves and start to develop codependent relationships when we give up a part of who we are in order to keep the relationship. The dynamic in these relationships starts to shift to one of control, manipulation, enmeshment, and giving up aspects of ourselves.

Do any of these sound like you?

This used to be me, too…until I learned how to break this pattern.

There is a way to course-correct and reclaim your power and sense of self. I know because I’ve done it myself. So I know it’s possible for you, too!

The trick is to be able to hold your center…while being in a truly interdependent relationship.

And the way to do this is by stepping into and cultivating your sovereignty.

Your sovereignty is your own sense of self…your innermost truth…your truth north…

You can use this inner truth to tether you to your center. It will be what guides you forward as your compass in life.

This is exactly what I share how to do in my Truth-FULLY Empowerment Training.

In Truth-FULLY, I show you how to find and hold your center in relationships. And how to cultivate self-love and self-esteem, so you don’t need to search for external validation. We also cover how to speak your truth, and how to communicate your needs and desires with love and kindness, all while setting healthy boundaries…and SO much more!

You won’t believe what a difference it will make in your life when you learn to become “compassionately assertive.” Others gain respect for you…and most importantly, you gain respect for yourself!

I’ve had individuals from all walks of life take this life-changing training: therapists, professors, doctors, coaches, spiritual teachers, and everyone in between—and most have said this was the most powerful and useful training they’ve ever taken on the topic. (You can read some of their success stories HERE, at the bottom of the page.)


Please let me know if there’s any way I can assist you, dear. I stand for your sovereignty and empowerment!

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About the Author | Rose Cole

Rose Cole is a much-loved visionary leader and world-renowned speaker, co-author alongside Deepak Chopra and Dr. Andrew Weil, popular featured guest on TV networks such as E! and MSNBC, and preeminent mentor and spiritual guide who has helped thousands create thriving and awakened lives. Rose survived a traumatic childhood fraught with abuse and neglect and was raised in a household full of mental illness only to later be adopted and raised by a Native American holy man who inspired her studies of shamanic practices and the use of sacred indigenous plant medicines, rituals, and rites of passage. After a spiritual awakening in her twenties, Rose left behind a successful modeling career to be in service to others through hosting a series of inspirational programs and retreats, writing books and sharing a powerful way of living she calls 'Rituality'.

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