When You are the Cause, You are the Healer

When I was 30 years old, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, an “incurable autoimmune disease.” I was presented with the standard immune-modulating and anti-inflammatory drugs as my only options. I was told that diet and stress levels had nothing to do with my disease. Mainstream medicine offered me no hope. I was facing a lifetime of debilitating drugs, and like my grandfather who had also suffered from rheumatoid arthritis, many years of suffering.

When I really sat with my diagnosis and my pain, I lit upon the word “autoimmune.” I realized it meant I was attacking and trying to kill myself! Why would I do that? I had four beautiful children, a life I loved, and no thoughts of suicide. I examined my body, mind, heart, and spirit for clues to my disease. In the process of my research and inquiry into the “why” of my disease, I discovered Ayurveda. Ayurvedic medicine is an ancient science that encompasses the whole person: body, mind, heart, spirit, and the person’s story.

The year it took for me to recover fully was a year of self-discovery unlike anything I had ever embarked on. I worked out why I was attacking myself.

When I was 10 years old, I was sexually abused by the vice principal of my school. No one took me seriously when I told them. I have a clear memory of sitting outside one day, deciding this world was not a safe place, and thinking I probably didn’t want to be here anymore.

Flash forward two decades later and I was fulfilling the decision an upset 10-year-old had placed within her cells and very being. That was my story.

Within one year of changing lifestyle habits from each of the four areas of my whole being, I was free of autoimmune disease. Tests could find no sign of rheumatoid arthritis in my blood. According to Western medicine, this was impossible. I was not cured of autoimmune disease just because of diet and supplements and herbs; I learned to meditate, started some pretty deep emotional work through trauma-release therapy, and had begun the practice and study of yoga. In short, I had discovered my innate divinity that no trauma could eradicate without my permission.

Little did I know that, a few years later, my sons would also be sexually molested by a neighborhood boy. They were three and five years old at the time. When my younger son turned 18, he told me of his experience. I was thrown into a chasm of grief, anguish, despair, and guilt deeper than I could possibly imagine as I heard my worst nightmare coming true.

Four months after I learned of my children’s trauma, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I immediately knew why I had breast cancer. The tumor was right over my heart in my left breast. My heart was full of grief, bitterness, and anger at my children’s abuser.

I told the radiologist who gave me the news that I would wait one month before seeing an oncologist because I knew where this tumor had come from. During that month, I located the now-adult man who had experimented with my boys.

When he answered the phone he said, “I’ve been expecting this call for many years.” It was almost as if it was a relief for him to finally receive it.

I asked the questions I needed to ask. I got the answers I needed to get, and then set up calls between him and my sons. I sent my sons to therapy for trauma release and did some deep work for myself on forgiveness—of both the abuser and of myself. In addition, my husband and I, both Reiki masters, worked on the tumor using Reiki energy every morning and night.

That month, deep healing took place for my family, for the young man who had victimized my sons, and for myself. My sons responded to therapy rapidly and with incredible willingness to forgive. I, on the other hand, took longer. But when I returned for a follow up ultrasound to view my tumor, it was gone. Completely gone.

Is this the route I recommend to my patients diagnosed with autoimmune disease and breast cancer? No. Everyone is different. However, I do work with them to get to the root cause.

There are five root causes for any disease: there is a block in the emotions, in the body, in the mind, or in the spirit—or in the story. The good news is that all are reversible. You can re-write your story. The outcome is up to you if you are willing to dive deep. However, I know from personal experience that sometimes a decision was made long ago that influences that story. This is where I start with every single patient.