It all started two years ago, although I wasn’t aware of where I was leading myself. I made the decision to be distant from everything. I lived alone and tightened my circle of friends and acquaintances. I stopped talking to family, and I wasn’t replying to my inbox—or even opening it. In brief, I surrounded myself with nothingness and nobody.
Isolating myself may appear to be a selfish act, but I was enduring the pain of losing a long-time friendship. I decided to put an end to every human relationship I had in the present and avoid any I might have in the future in order to avoid being severely or slightly heartbroken. Relationships in general were frightening because, it seemed, they resulted in parting of ways at the end.
Both solitude and loneliness are needed, but often we are forced to be lonely. Let me tell you, being lonely or experiencing loneliness breaks us deep inside, there where you never thought something could ever reach, where you keep your sufficient dose of happiness and joy and self-worthiness—there where your true self resides.
It breaks those bridges and walls safeguarding you, all the comfort zones and corners you used to fill, left empty of hope and love. Loneliness fills every hole and wounded area with melancholy and blackness. It makes the whole world appear to be falling apart when you reach for it, trying to escape. It makes you believe that no one is able to help you overcome this, that only nothingness keeps your heart full. The doors to your heart are always open and ready to throw out those you cherish, rarely taking them in again. You fight against enlightening wishing stars, so that only empty skies fill your eyesight.
Loneliness is the roughest of heartless teachers. It changes you so that you don’t recognize who you were, or who you are.
It feeds monsters of selfishness, worthlessness, and hopelessness you’ve been fighting since forever. There are no battlefields except for your comfort zones, no weapons except the heart, mind, body, and soul.
May you always chose solitude, and never, never left to be eaten by loneliness.