The Reclaiming of My Heart
These days it seems that every day I am finding my way to myself, shaking hands with myself, (okay, so I don’t shake hands; I am a hugger not a hand-shaker); and embracing myself.
After years of believing that it was necessary to quiet my voice, for lack of acceptance, lack of understanding from others, or lack of interest, I finally braved the waters and found my voice once again – my true voice.
After years of living in an environment of negative energy that conflicted with the tenderness of my sensitive heart, a moment happened. At the dinner table where our focus was on sharing our day with each other, uplifting and encouraging one another, a volatile situation occurred that changed everything. My 7 year old son got up from his chair and came over to me. He put his arms around me and held me and said, “I’m sorry, Mommy.” I realized my face was soaked with tears. I held him and watched the sadness on his younger brother’s face as he sat motionless, a bite of food parked there in his little mouth waiting to be chewed. I knew in that moment that my living situation was no longer acceptable. I could not let my children grow up knowing this to be who their mother is. I vowed to myself in that moment that things would change, and that come hell or high water, my children would know me, not as their mother who lived this way… in fear, or walking on eggshells, or being treated with disrespect, but as a woman, and as the woman that I am. From that day forward I took baby steps towards allowing my Self to emerge. I wanted my children to grow up and know the woman who is their mother.
I began to think of the things that I was criticized for- the things I had been told were my flaws, or weaknesses, or problems. I decided that I was going to do more of those things. Somehow they were there for a reason, and stifling them was stifling me.
I grew up in a military family and after I started school as a child, we moved almost every single year of my life. I went to 11 different schools in my 11 years of education. I learned how to make friends quickly because there was no time to let things grow slowly. As an adult this was criticized by some as being too eager or too trusting. I honestly did not know any other way. I went by feel, and how a person “felt” to me. I realize now that there was a benefit and blessing in being able to establish rapport quickly and genuinely.
The more I embraced being a sensitive person, being a listener, being a giver, being an accepter, being a lover, the more I encountered experiences that led me to be even more of these things. I realized there were times when these “flaws” were needed and appreciated, valued and honored. The more this happened, the more I became Me. The more I became Me, the more peaceful I became, the easier it became, and the free-er I became.
Most importantly I became a better mother.
After several years into what I began to call my “reclaiming” of myself, I was first encouraged and then inspired to start a blog. It is a work in progress, but so am I. I now also write for Lightworker’s World, and I work for Global NLP Training. It’s a fabulous company that is passionate about change; it devotes itself to empowering people to change their own lives and learn how to help others change theirs as well.
I believe in energy. I believe in love. I believe in the human spirit. I believe in the breathing of breath. I believe that peace is possible. I believe we are all connected. And I believe that kindness really can change the world.
I am in love with the inspiration of women all around the world; I invite you into my heart, and I welcome yours with dignity and love: www.myheartyourheartblog.blogspot.com
One of my favorite posts is “The Rock,” about how my blog was born.
Because ultimately … My Heart Looks Like Your Heart.