This Man Was My Dad

He was the one I ran to, I trusted, he was supposed to protect me, I loved him unconditionally, he was also the man that molested me. I was so angry, fearful, betrayed, sad, I felt a piece of me missing. Now, I have faced him, testified in court, lost, faced him at his own house, he hurt the ones I love the most, I empowered the ones around me to speak out, and now I pity him and forgive him. This man was my dad.

It was the hardest thing I ever did was tell my mom he molested me and abused me for years. I remember my inner voice screaming to just say it! When I said it out loud I felt naked. That secret kept me a slave believing he had power of me. It felt so strange not to carry that burden on my back any more. I had been living a lie for so long I felt lost. I didn’t know who I was any more. I wasn’t the lie any more, so who was I? My story leaked out and more girls came out. It broke my heart because these were the people I loved the most. But I freed them too. It is my most proud accomplishment in my life thus far. I only wish that one day they will be able to be at complete peace with themselves again and not let the past haunt them any more.

I am free now. I took back everything he tried to take away from me. It was a long journey to get where I am now. I have learned to accept that it is ok to miss my father figure. I have learned that it is ok that I still love him. It is freeing to know that I don’t hold in all that toxic hate and anger. I forgave him because I love me. I love myself unconditionally and I only deserve the best and to be a whole person.

“When there are no enemies within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you”

-African Proverb