Ask Emily: Sex, Dating, & Relationship Advice That Works
Now one of the longest-running sex and relationship podcasts, Sex with Emily is downloaded nearly one million times each month and continues to sit at the top of most major charts. No topic is off limits. Emily reads everyone’s emails and answers many of them during the Sex with Emily show. Millions of people have improved their sex lives just by listening. You’re next! Find out more at sexwithemily.com.
In this post, Featured Truthteller Emily Morse offers a sample of the kinds of questions she’s answered from her audience.
Q: DEAR EMILY
I’m a single mom and my daughter is two years old. I’ve told my friends that dating for me will be harder because I’m a mom, and my daughter is still very young. I’ve tried online dating apps, but the guys I’ve matched with fade off after a couple of days. What should I do? Do guys get intimidated when they meet single mothers?
I’ve lost hope in finding a relationship. Please help me, Emily!
Thanks—and love your podcast!
Nadine, 24, Texas
A: DEAR NADINE
I think it’s awesome that you’re a mom, and it’s also great that you want to start dating again. Having a child doesn’t mean you’ll never find love again, so don’t lose hope!
It’s true, there are some men—especially of the younger variety—who aren’t ready to date a woman who is also a mom. However, there are plenty of men out there who won’t be fazed by it, and will be more than happy to embrace the fact that you’re a parent.
Here are a few tips to ease you back into the dating pool:
Do be up front. It’s obviously important to let the person you’re dating know that you have a daughter well before things get serious. Being a mom is obviously your focus, but that doesn’t mean your daughter has to dominate all of your conversations and activities. Always take the time to get to know someone before you introduce them to your child until you know you want to keep them around.
Don’t forget that you’re still a woman. Sure, being a mom is one of the biggest roles you could have in life, but that doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly lost your needs or desires. Channel the person you were before your daughter came along, and be your confident, sexy self.
Do tell your friends and family to set you up. Let your friends or family be your wingmen. They can be the ones to let your future date know you have a kid, giving that person the chance to decide whether or not they can handle it before you even meet.
Q: DEAR EMILY
My boyfriend and I have always had great sex—and had it pretty frequently. But within the last year, with the crazy-busy schedules we have, we’re having a hard time getting on the same page. When we have sex it’s great, but we never seem to be wanting it at the same time.
Since then, my other problem has been something I’ve never had an issue with before: I’ve been getting dry. It doesn’t happen until my boyfriend puts a condom on. He never thought we needed lube, but it’s making sex uncomfortable and hard to enjoy.
What can I do? Thanks!
Cathy, 24, Missouri
A: DEAR CATHY
Different schedules can definitely put a damper on your sex life, and it happens to more couples than you think. Luckily, there’s a pretty easy fix for that: sex dates. While scheduling sex doesn’t sound overly romantic, it’s the perfect way to ensure you both know what’s coming and gives you a chance to psych yourself up! Exchange some titillating texts throughout the day, put on something that makes you feel sexy, and get ready to do what you guys are so great at: having amazing sex.
As for dryness, you aren’t alone there, either. This happens to so many women for a variety of reasons—and it doesn’t mean you aren’t getting turned on or there’s anything wrong with you. Hormones, that time of month, and even what you eat can affect the climate down there.
If you want to get over the drought, here are a couple tips that can help you out:
Spend more time on you
Make foreplay a priority. Spend more time on you and your pleasure so you’re at the peak of your arousal, and when he goes to put the condom on, keep touching yourself to ensure you stay that way.
Lube is your friend
Lube is an amazing little invention that makes all forms of sex more comfortable—studies even show that women are more likely to orgasm when lube is involved. I recommend System JO’s H2O Jelly: It’s thicker than a regular lube, and you won’t need to keep reapplying, so it won’t disrupt the sexy flow you have going on.