My Secrets to Prepare for Intimacy After a Midlife Divorce

Let’s face it, sex is like riding a bike: You always remember how to do it! Still, the thought of being intimate with a new man is terrifying for a lot of prime-time women (age 40-plus)—myself included.

Not long ago, I confessed to friends that the thought of being intimate again sent me into a mild panic. How on earth could I undress in front of someone again? My not-so-perky breasts, surgical scars, and wrinkles were not something I wanted to share. Plus, I hadn’t even properly disrobed in front of my ex in the dying years of our relationship.

How can prime-time women overcome the many mental barriers that stop us from dating and enjoying sex/intimacy with a new partner?

I had been out of the dating loop for a lifetime, so I invited my single friends to a girl’s night out. Men might be shocked to know how openly women can talk about the most intimate things. At least my friends and I can. We talked about it all: online dating, preferences in men, sex in general, sex after menopause, how many dates before having sex for the first time, and more.

One friend said, “Susan, don’t overthink it. Go online, find a rebound, drink some wine, and get it over with. Just have fun, and don’t aim for anything serious. Don’t think about your boobs—men don’t notice; they just love how soft we are.” Her encouraging words echoed in my ears that night, and I decided to give love a chance.

I started to accept dinner invitations from single men (all nice gentlemen) introduced to me by friends. I felt I had “everything to gain, nothing to lose.” Knowing that every single one wanted to meet a second time gave me a new confidence that I hadn’t known was missing. After years of “intimacy starvation,” I longed to feel like a woman again. These nice gentlemen raised my self-worth without knowing it.

When I finally met the one (online), we both felt that we knew each other before our first physical meeting took place. My fear of not being perfect vanished. Everything was natural, romantic, fun, and memorable when we first kissed. I’ve found another chance at love, and I feel happier than I have for many years.

My preparation secrets:

Step 1: Nail down the fundamental qualities you are looking for in a partner, and the rest will fall into place.

Step 2: Your mental stage is important. Don’t expect to meet Mr. Right on the first date. Chemistry or not, everyone has a story to share. Even if you don’t end up being lovers, you may end up with a new friend.

Step 3: Ask your friends to introduce you to single men (or women). If you choose to create an online profile and meet up with someone not referred, make sure to meet in a neutral place and do your research.

Step 4: Decide what you are ready for.  I’m the type of person that needs to be emotionally connected, and I don’t need sex to be fulfilled.

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About the Author | Susan Binau

Susan Binau was born in Copenhagen, Denmark. She is a public speaker, author, and cancer survivor. She resides in Florida. Her passion is to pass on hope, light, and courage to others, and to encourage them to do the same. Her public speaking career took off in 2009, right after she published her first book. Susan has traveled internationally to share her story.

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