Thoughts In My Head



This morning as I was driving to the office listening to the radio, after dropping the kids off at school, I heard a talk about “intersex.” I only listen to the radio when am alone in the car. I don’t want the kids picking up any adult words. I am sure all parents understand this! Anyway, back to the issue at hand, I heard on the radio that a place either in the UK or US (I missed that part of the story) was legalizing the term “intersex. ” It was to be put in place for a child that has both male and female characteristics, rather than making the parent chose between male or female gender. Well, interesting isn’t it? I must say that some years back we never thought anything about sexuality. It was just the male and female sex. Nothing more, but today there is just so much discussion on this. Maybe it is globalization? Maybe demands of human rights and maybe just too much information going round! Whatever! To me, “intersex” on a child’s birth certificate just doesn’t seem complete. So you ask me what is complete? (Still thinking, don’t have an answer to that yet.)

Sex and sexuality. Does your sex determine your sexuality? Maybe and maybe not. But then really, what is all this talk about sexuality? I remember some years ago, your sex determined your sexuality, that was all and nothing more needs to be said on that. That was it! Well, that was some years back.

I was at a party two days ago, hosted by a Bangladesh friend of my husband, and we got into the sexuality conversation with an American. I don’t need to tell you how long we had that discussion – it was practically most of the night!

To me, sexuality is a complex part of our personality and self. It’s all about expressing thy self as a sexual being and responding to someone or something attractive to us, no matter our sex. Human sexuality is broad and involves behaviors and activities that have nothing to do with the sex of the person. Your sexuality is as unique as you are.

The bottom line here is that my sexuality should be all about my sexual interest and preferences! It is about me feeling comfortable and relaxed in that preference. It defines who I am sexually. It is my identity. It is what makes me happy and satisfied. We all have different and unique ways of identifying ourselves sexually. It could be the simple “accepted norm” of husband and wife, or it could be the complicated “unaccepted behavior ” of gays, lesbians and bi or the absolutely unthinkable fixations and the crazy kinky stuff that defies “natural.” But, who am I to say what is “natural” and what “unacceptable” is?

Over the years, there have been different arguments on human sexuality. Sigmund Freud believed sexuality is instinctive and you are born with it.   John Locke believed you learn it from your environment. You are born a blank slate but your environment molds you. I guess I am hanging in between the two. I wonder if my environment drove my sexuality, made me who I am sexually today or if I was born the way I am?

Over the years, there has been series of arguments on what is acceptable sexually and what is “unthinkable, unaccepted” sexually, and the argument continues. I leave that to the thinkers and debaters of our Mother Earth. So back to the legalization and the discussion on the radio, I was amazed with all the ideas, comments and arguments of the callers. Hmmm, someone actually said “Satan” is taking over!!! I had a good laugh, but then some of the comments where quite thought provoking.

Well, either way, we have two arguments and millions of sexual expressions in the world today. Each expression is unique in its self, some quite “disturbing” and others “beautiful” in their fullness (depending on who is classifying!). I don’t try to judge or understand people’s sexuality. I just live with it and try to learn from it and grow in my understanding of nature and my own sexuality.





Rahinatu Adamu

About the Author | Rahinatu Adamu

Rahina is a dreamer and a lover of life, and she is still trying to find her way in this amazing journey of life. She loves to read and write. She is married and a mum of two adorable boys. She lives in Abuja, Nigeria, and has spent over 13 years of her life working with the most vulnerable in her community.

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