5 Years from Now, Will I Remember how Angry I am Today?

I used to be so concerned with things that really had no actual significance in my life. I spent so much time caring about how my family life looked to other people, and what people thought about me. I used to get infuriated about things that really don’t matter. I’m Filipino. Fire runs in my veins.

Because of where I am in my life today, more specifically, as a single mom, I’ve been sought out as a confidant for several friends and acquaintances for advice and first-hand knowledge of being on my own. One common denominator in each and every one of these conversations is hearing about the constant fighting between spouses. I listen to how the arguments start and how they are played out. Hearing these stories breaks my heart because I remember living that life on a daily basis. The disrespect, the anger, the annoyance—no good feelings to be had there.

Life is so much more peaceful now. I only allow feelings of love into my world, from others and from myself. In a weird way, I’ve come to not care about many things to a certain degree and I am so much happier living this way.

I know, I know. Saying this may sound somewhat insensitive but hear me out.

I don’t care if I’m right or wrong.

I don’t care to prove someone wrong.

I don’t care if someone dislikes me, and I don’t care if people talk about me behind my back.

I can’t be right all the time, and not everyone is going to appreciate what I have to offer. What I do care about is being shown respect and kindness because I know I deserve it, and I won’t accept anything less. If I don’t get respect, I turn my back and don’t even care to tell that person why unless I’m asked. What I will do is remain as kind as I can out of respect to humanity.

In the grand scheme of things, what really matters isn’t if I am wrong or if I am right in an argument. Does it really matter if someone leaves a pair of socks on the floor, or if the dishwasher was loaded wrong? What significance does it have to prove someone wrong in a menial debates?

The answer is none. It’s really just my ego that cares, and this in itself a ticking time bomb. Trust me. I’ve blown up on several occasions and lost control of what has come out of my mouth. It honestly was actual lunacy. The worst part of it all is I can say I’m sorry until the cows come home, but to some people, words hurt and do grave damage. At my very core, I don’t want to hurt a soul.

What I have learned is to choose my battles. Every moment is fleeting, every emotion is fleeting; if what upsets me today doesn’t matter five years from now, is it really worth all the negative energy?

Not likely, so what’s the point of letting it get to me?

Obviously a rhetorical question, as we all know the answer.