It’s Just Anxiety
When I was in high school my dad was put on disability for depression and anxiety. I remember being so confused as to why he would not get out of bed for days. I could never understand how someone could feel like that. That is, until four years later.
When I was 20, I moved to Seattle to live with my boyfriend. I was working three jobs and attending school as well when I began experiencing these really uncomfortable sensations. I had no idea what they were, so I went to the doctor, who calmly told me, “Its just anxiety. You’re the healthiest person here.” He wrote me a prescription and sent me on my way. I remember holding that piece of paper and staring at the pharmacy thinking, “I’m too young to be on prescription drugs for the rest of my life.” With this knowledge, I decreased my stress load and my anxiety went into hibernation.
In 2012 I decided to finish my degree, a Bachelor’s in biology, and went back to school. Around the same time, one of my best friends introduced me to yoga – I immediately feel in love and began practicing regularly. I was so elated to learn so much about the human body – and myself – both at school and on my mat. I felt so in tune with myself. However, I became obsessed with my body always feeling “perfect.” When I felt the slightest pain here or there I would immediately self-diagnose myself with cancer or some rare genetic disorder. I have been to the doctor numerous times and she always says that physically, my body is fine but adds, “Sam, you just might be one of those people that needs to be on medication for your whole life.”
Anxiety is genetic, right? Well, I don’t want to end up like my dad. I refuse to be a slave to pharmaceutical companies who convince us that we need to take their product to feel normal.