My Journey to Me
In 2010 I made the unfortunate decision to become involved with a narcissistic sociopath who tried to destroy me—literally. He had so many demons inside him and his way to “deal” with them was to hurt me: mentally, emotionally, and physically.
I thought, as most women in a violent relationship do, that I was doing something wrong. I thought I was the problem. He had convinced me that I was mentally ill, that I was the reason he was lashing out. I believed him.
Every time he hurt me, I blamed myself. If only I had done that one thing differently.
Over time, the effects of his abuse started to show. I was losing weight very rapidly. Living in a constant state of fear and anxiety does harsh things to the body. In a six-month window, I went from 130 lbs. to 90 lbs. At 5’7″, I knew this was really bad. I was pale, my skin was grey, and my hair was falling out.
Every single day, there was some kind of abusive behavior—to the point that I contemplated taking my own life. When it all came to a head in early 2012 and he tried to kill me, it was time to get out. I had no job, no money, and nowhere to go. I went to a women’s shelter and started the difficult process of putting my life back together. All of my family lived 3,000 miles away. I was completely alone.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that this was a major turning point for me. I was finally in charge of my life. The next several months were extremely hard, but I was stubborn and refused to let him win. I found a job and an apartment, and in June of 2012, I faced him in court. I went to the police after I left him, and he was charged with two counts of assault. When he looked me in the eye, he knew that I was no longer his victim.
I still deal with many scars from that relationship. I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and PTSD—and I am taking the steps to deal with it as best I can. I am married now to the man of my dreams, and I am happier than I ever dreamed possible.
It is more important than ever in today’s society for women to support each other. We are all sisters at heart, and I hope that my story will give someone else the courage to make a change.
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