Happy Sad Confession of a New Mum

After a short 12 months off, I have returned to work. And just like that—I have my missing identity back, too.

I had given birth and nurtured my baby boy for 11 months of his life, before this big change finally approached. It is not easy. But it was not easy at home either, so I am guessing that no matter what route I would have chosen, it is just never easy.

I’ve loved every minute spent with my baby, and I feel so grateful for having that chance! I feel so grateful for a chance to know how it feels to carry a human being in my own body; how to go through the terrorizing hours of labor; how to see the miracle of life being born; how to survive on no sleep; and how to love unconditionally.

I am also grateful to have learned that nothing is a problem if my baby is safe and healthy. Nothing is as important to me.

I am grateful to have learned a totally different level of patience. I have never waited for anything as long and as eagerly as I have waited for my baby. I have never had my nerves tested so badly as I have in the past 11 months, when my baby would wake up every 2 hours 24 hours a day! I have never been responsible for anything or anybody non-stop, with no breaks in between. I have never appreciated a shower, a toilet, a sandwich, or a coffee as much as I do now!

All this sounds like a memoir of a confused person who does not know if she is happy or sad, but I am telling you that I am truly happy.

I could not write a single thoughtful thing in the past two years. Basically, pregnancy and serving as a full-time mommy took away all my other powers. Instead, I’ve developed superpowers on a totally different level, which did not require any huge intellectual efforts. My newly acquired superpowers include highly sensitive instincts, highly efficient arms and boobs, plus an ability to run on no fuel (I mean: no sleep).

In the meantime, my blog got hacked into and I lost a big chunk of very hard work, so I interpreted it as a sign from God (or universe) that I should not attempt to do anything that is not connected with caring for my child until I am physically and mentally fit to do that.

Now I think I might finally be ready. Fingers crossed!