Always Learning, Always Growing
Witness…One day my soul just opened up and there was so much clarity. I was able to feel gratitude for all my pain. Understanding why relationships didn’t work. Understanding when I moved in to take care of my dad and why it was so necessary. Understanding when my niece and her husband (both drug addicts) moved in with us that my mom let them. Understanding when I was physically pushed up against a wall one evening that my mom chose them over me. Once again, I was completely shattered emotionally after attempting to do the right thing. I sadly understood!
I left that evening, not knowing where I was going. I scrambled to find a little room I could rent. I did. I lived in a very small bedroom with a bath, and no use of the house for two years. My friends and my children never heard me complain. I was grateful.
My children cried when they realized why I had been putting on so much weight. I stopped every night to get fast food to eat in my room. I wasn’t unhappy. I was safe. I still showed up three times a day to change and feed my dad. God love him. I never told him I wasn’t still living there with him. He had no idea. He was happy. At that time, I loved my father more than air.
It was during that time of caring for my dad that I had a huge epiphany. It changed how I make all my decisions today. It changed when I realized what true LOVE means and how it feels.
My dad told me he loved me every evening when I would put his rosaries on his chest and tuck him in for the night. He knew I would be there the next morning to feed and change him. He knew that I would always show up and do the right thing. Even though he assumed I was sleeping in the next bedroom, he knew. He passed away thinking this. He deserved that.
Taking care of my dad lasted two full years. I showed up and was willing to do hard things. I completely ignored others in the house. I came and left. My dad was happy. I was happy!
It was during this time that I blossomed into the woman I am today. Nothing else matters to me more than pure, unconditional love. I knew that whoever came into my life had to love me the same exact way. I felt this in my core. I know how to love deeply, and I expect to be loved the same way in return.
When I meet someone, he will have the capacity to love as deeply as I do. When I meet someone, he will cherish and appreciate all of me. So God, if you are listening (and I know you are), I am here. I am ready. Kindly send him my way!