Coffee on a Mountaintop

Imagine you are standing on a mountain top. After waking up at the crack of dawn. After a long car ride. After the huffs and puffs of climbing higher and higher. You’ve finally made it to the top. You’ve conquered the wilderness. You stand, in awe of the beauty surrounding you. You realize how small you are in this world. You realize you’ve passed the blood, sweat, and tears. You’ve overcome.

You stand at the top of the mountain. You are completely and wholeheartedly free.

That feeling is “coffee on a mountaintop.” Your hardships, your struggles, your successes, your triumphs, your final steps to the top of the mountain.

Imagine everything you can be if you continue forward with every step.

I (somewhat) recently moved back to my home state of Washington. A couple months after joining a small group, my Bible study leader (for the purpose of this story, let’s call her Esther) asked me to co-lead. I immediately declined, thinking, Who am I to lead others? I was rebuilding from heartache, poor decisions, and the complexities of life. I still had moments of weakness. I was still failing. Who was I to lead others?

As soon as I declined, I felt it wasn’t the right decision. By the end of our 15-minute call, I told Esther that I would think about it.

A few weeks followed and I called Esther saying, “I’m all in!” She laughed because she’d already advertised our small group on the church website under both of our names. (She was so ahead of the game!) My decision was simple: Past choices do not determine whether or not you are capable of being loved. Everyone is fighting their own battles. Some you win, others you lose.

In the last year and half, I’ve made changes and chosen to recommit to my life—despite the fact that, like all of us, when I’ve been at my worst, that’s when my inner voice has screamed the loudest: “You are unworthy, you are unloveable, and you are undeserving!”

These are the moments you have to choose to press on, navigating the joys and pains of life.

A willingness to start again has taught me that perseverance is key. You cannot win the battle if your true self does not show up. Vulnerability is beautiful. No matter how filthy you feel or seemingly plagued by bad choices and self-doubt, these do not define your life. Each day is a new opportunity to start again, to climb that mountain and say to the world, “This is who I choose to be!”

This is why I choose to lay aside every encumbrance and continue forward. Everyone can do this. It’s not an easy feat, but it is an easy choice. You keep fighting, kicking, and screaming. You get to the top of your mountain. You pour a cup of coffee. You engage in conversation. You share your vulnerabilities. And in those moments, you begin to realize everything you can be in this world.