I Forgive Myself in Advance
It’s getting real. It’s getting intense. And my perfectionism is trying damn hard to kick in.
I have written a memoir, To the Moon and Back: A Childhood Under the Influence, and in the last month, we’ve finalized the book, created a behind-the-scenes video and a customized playlist, launched the pre-order campaign, revealed a bit of my “less than normal” past to clients who had no idea, and worked out details on my book tour events. Just a few details. Just a bit naked feeling. Just a good chance for my perfectionism to kick in.
I feel that I’m more anxious than usual. I notice my intense desire to GET THINGS SETTLED AND DONE! I watch my desperate need to control more things that I can’t control. And did I ever mention that I’m not that good at details? Well…I’m not that good at details.
I am terrified of messing this all up!
So today, I decided that I would forgive myself in advance: for every ball I might drop, detail I might miss, and person I might forget to email. I forgive myself in advance for my reactions when people react to the first chapter…and when they don’t. I forgive myself in advance for book events that don’t happen and media interviews I don’t get. I forgive myself in advance if I’m ever not gracious, or not gracious enough. I forgive myself in advance for that edgy feeling that’s staying with me a bit as more and more people read more and more about me. It would be great if I completely didn’t care what others think, instead of just mostly not caring.
I forgive myself. I forgive myself. I forgive myself in advance. I hope you can forgive me, too.
Because I wrote this book to share hope, love, and joy. I worked for nearly 20 years to make it as strong as I could and to find the right publisher…in order to share hope, love, and joy. I connect with everyone who reads my blog posts—and my posts on other blogs—in order to share hope, love, and joy. Therefore, I refuse to move through this process in fear of mistakes and mishaps. I refuse to stay anxious, afraid, and desperate. Instead, I choose to enjoy this process, to laugh at my mistakes, and to open my arms and heart to the excitement and fun.
I choose to forgive myself now in advance, and again and again and again along the way, if necessary.
Just for fun…will you join me?