Full Moon Musings

Tomorrow, the moon will be at its fullest, and already, I am feeling the pull of its magic. The last few days I have been guilt-ridden; old patterns have crept up and I’ve even indulged in being a victim of my circumstances a little bit—something I do when I need to release and heal old hurts. I’ve allowed myself to feel victimized because sometimes, it’s easier to blame others for my feelings than it is to dig deep and see what is really going on.

I miss my kids terribly. And since they’ve left, the communications with them have been somewhat sporadic, if at all existent. Of course, I fall into the old habit of thinking that this is all about me—that they hate me, want nothing to do with me, that I’ve let them down somehow, that I’ve ruined their lives and so on and so forth. I go into blaming my ex for somehow turning them against me. I blame my kind and loving husband for accepting a job halfway around the world. I even blame the time difference between countries for this lack of communication, but I don’t dare look at the real situation or see which part I play in this, if any at all.

Old patterns are where we tend to run to when past hurts haven’t been healed. In my meditations, I am guided to remove myself from this, to remove my hurt ego and look at it from a loving perspective. My kids returned to their dad’s after spending time with us in Switzerland for the rest of their summer vacation. They had more fun family trips on their dad’s side, including time with friends, hockey camps, and time to relax and regroup before another school year started. They were living their lives, and while I haven’t spoken to them much, I have spoken to them some. I had a few lovely hour-long FaceTimes with my daughter. I had some text message exchanges with my son. And no, I haven’t heard from them every single day, but to dwell in the fact that I’ve had no interactions with them is completely false. It’s a false reality that my ego is trying to make me believe, so that I can play the role of the victim. Thankfully, I recognize this, and I can stop myself from spiraling down any further.

I still have some work to do on letting go of the past, as well as forgiving myself and those I feel have wronged me. And with this full moon release, I will work on these aspects. I will focus on the love I give and receive, instead of allowing my ego to tell a story that is false. I will remind myself that the whole world does not revolve around me. I will release old patterns, old hurts. I will heal old wounds to allow more love, kindness, and compassion to flow into my life. You cannot fill a full cup, so I will release what no longer serves me to make room for lessons learned, healing, and growth.