To Save Your Daughter

In 1989, my husband’s class had their 20th year high school reunion. The first night was for alumni, the next was scheduled for couples, and the third day was for families.

My husband went to the alumni party and didn’t come home that night. I thought, OK, he has had too much to drink or has spent the night hanging out with his old buddies. No big deal. At about 3 p.m., he finally came home and went straight to bed. Once again, I thought he had just worn himself out with his friends.

I woke him to get ready for the couples’ party that evening, and he said he didn’t want to go. About an hour later, he appeared dressed and went out the door without saying anything.

Once again, he didn’t come home.

At about 10 a.m. on the third day, he came home. I confronted him and asked what is going on. He hedged a little, then told me, “I met [his high school sweetheart’s name] and she is single. I’m going to marry her.”

In shock, I replied, “Did you forget something? You are married!”

He answered, “But I have always loved her.” There was nothing more I could have said to that answer.

Long and short of it is that we got a divorce. Things were very hard during that time, and I sold my home and relocated my daughter and myself to a new state. I was very angry, not just at him but at God, too. I kept asking God, Why did you do this to me? I was a good wife for over 18 years to this man. We had finally reached a point in our marriage where we were financially sound and it appeared to all as if we had made it. I thought we had!

During this period of my life, I experienced the most difficult emotional crisis I had dealt with for years, and it was the closest I have ever been to having a breakdown. My new life was one of resentment I felt from my daughter for the loss of her father, our beautiful home, and her stability of having lived in the same small, closed community her entire life and losing it, too. We moved into an old, rundown mobile home with no air conditioning in Florida in June! I stayed angry at God for this reversal of fortune in our lives.

About a year later, I finally spoke to God and asked him to take this anger from my heart. I asked him, in His time, to show me why He had put me through this and to make sure I understood what he was showing me.

Years went by, and my daughter went away to college and was turning 21. My daughter and I are extremely close, and I recognized that she needed to be independent. I knew she would want to go out with her friends to celebrate this milestone. I called to wish her a happy birthday, and she had a funny sound to her voice and told me a childhood friend was visiting. “I’ll call you tomorrow and we can talk then,” she said.

This was very strange for her to say, as she is an extremely open person and not usually so guarded in her comments. The next day, my daughter called and related that the friend from childhood had arrived out of the blue accompanied by two boys in a VW bug! They were traveling around the US. The friend, who is Dutch by lineage and very blond-headed, had long dreadlocks and was in dire need of a bath. Her travel companions were in similar condition.  They were all three actively smoking marijuana and doing other drugs during the evening.  She also related that the friend had been up on the bar dancing and flashing the patrons.

This is not the behavior that was readily acceptable at the college my daughter attended or by her acquaintances. This is the moment that God gave me my answer!  As if a voice was speaking to me as clear as day, I heard, To save your daughter is why!

I knew in that moment that God had put me through my personal trials and I was A-OK with it.    He had seen the importance of my daughter having a future full of promise and had given it to her.

I once heard it said that there is a cost for everything, I am glad that the cost was one that God allowed me to pay. I share this story with others to let them know to understand there is a reason for everything, we just have to ask to be shown and understand the reason and then to be patient enough to wait for the answer to come.

Thank you for letting me share this story. I have been blessed!