A Time in My Life I Didn’t Want to Wake Up

I had days where I did not want to wake up. I was constantly trying to keep busy, just so that I could drown out the voice. I felt scared, lost, and alone. I was being bullied—by myself.

I constantly felt anxious, and my health suffered. I lost weight and my skin erupted in spots. I struggled to communicate how I felt and to explain the bully inside of me.

The bully stayed with me even after I got married and had two beautiful girls. The bully was now telling me that I was useless as a mum, as a wife…useless to everyone.

As the bully grew, so did my fears. I was convinced that talking about how I felt would lead to my girls being taken away from me. I reached a point where I wanted to give up and let the bully win.

During one bath time with the girls, who were happily playing, I had what some would call a meltdown. Sitting on the bathroom floor, my head in my hands, I felt complete despair. I wondered what had happened to me. I used to love life. I was happy once.

The girls dropped a bar of soap and called on me to pass it to them. And it was in that exact moment that I found my reason not to give up. My girls needed me. I looked up and quietly called out, “Somebody help me,” and then I said, “I am happy.” And these three words saved my life.

I hadn’t realized at the time that this was an affirmation. I found myself repeating it over and over, and it made me feel better. It was the beginning of my positive affirmations, which eventually killed off my bully. I soon realized that I had begun dealing with my anxiety and fears naturally.

I was married for 25 years, 22 of them happily. During the last three years of my marriage, the fears started creeping back in, taking me right back to that day on the bathroom floor. I knew then that if I asked the right questions, the answers would come.

My broken-down marriage meant I was on a new path. I began to research the power of the mind and listen to meditations, and as I studied, I grew and became stronger.

Someone recommended the film The Secret, which strongly resonated with me; it was while watching it that I had my light bulb moment. I knew that my purpose now was to help others. I wanted to share my experience so that those suffering could find a way to help themselves through the power of the mind.

One day, waking up to my regular alarm, another thought entered my head: I want to wake up loving life; I want to hear positive affirmations and kind words. This is how the idea of the “genie in the app” came to me. And since I want others to wake up loving life, I developed the app.

Now on a roll, I went to America and enrolled in the Mary Morrissey Life Mastery Institute. As a fully certified Life Mastery Consultant, I serve others on a daily basis. If I can help anyone overcome their fears, ignite their passion, and love life as I do, I feel truly blessed.

No one can coach a person to overcome their inner bully, but we can get the support we need to be our own best advocate. And I know without a doubt that no one can help as well as someone who has experienced the pain themselves.

About the Author | Laurie Traquair

laurie traquair is a certified Transformational life coach/consultant, she lives in the uk with her daughter paige and their two cats. she wants to wake up people around the world loving life, build their dreams, accelerate their results and create richer, more fulfilling lives

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