When Your Issues Block You from Your Purpose
I remember sitting on my floor, crying, stuffed from a ravenous binge-eating episode the night before. I felt completely out of control. I did the therapy. I took the anti-depressants. I went to a nutritionist. But, something was still wrong with me. All I wanted was to lose weight again. If I could just stop eating, then I would be happy. I would lose weight, start dating again, get a new job, and life would be good.
But it felt anything but good in that moment. As I cried, falling apart on my New York City apartment floor, I remember crawling over to my mirror. Sitting on the ground, I decided to look into my eyes and say, “I’m going to help you.”
And I did. From that day, I decided to show up for myself in a way I never had before. Meditating, practicing self-compassion, getting a life coach, learning about rewiring my brain, reciting powerful mantras, visualizing a new way of being, and becoming a complete self-help junkie.
I did all of the work. Every single day. I’d fall down…hard. But I’d always get back up. And over time, I did start to make change. Everything I was doing was working. I finally felt free from compulsive eating and negative body image.
My old identity was falling away, and what was left over was something I never anticipated. And was frankly terrified to look at.
A strong spiritual woman. A woman with a purpose. A woman who no longer wanted to play small. A woman with a fire inside of her to coach, speak, write, and make a huge impact on the world.
Who was this woman and where did she come from?
I caught glimpses of her in meditation, but never truly believed she was me. But, over time, my soul wouldn’t be silenced any longer.
I couldn’t un-know what I knew.
I couldn’t pretend feeling fulfilled by a decent income, fancy apartment, and health benefits. I couldn’t pretend being interested in negative people or their dull conversations. My soul was starving for more.
And that hunger was greater than any pain I’ve ever felt before. Even more than that pain I felt crying on the floor after the binge that brought me to my knees.
I remember thinking years ago, “Once I get this eating thing figured out, life will be good.” But that was just a lie I was telling myself. My eating thing wasn’t keeping me from living a good life. My eating thing was keeping me from my purpose.
It was keeping me from playing big, taking chances, facing my fears, and breaking free from any limiting belief that was holding me back.
My eating thing was protecting my heart from the big and scary life my soul was calling for.
I’ve had moments where I thought, “Damn it! Why’d I have to open this door? Why can’t I just be normal and satisfied with my average life?”
But that thought is fleeting. Because I would never close this door.
As scary as it is being open, the light peering in from it always reminds me why I’m here. And when I walk towards that light, I feel a sense of wholeness I’ve never felt before. A sense of meaning I wouldn’t sacrifice for anything in the world.
So now when my clients tell me, “My PROBLEM is keeping me from being happy,” I say, “No. Your problem is keeping you from something much bigger than that.”
Instead of looking at our sabotaging behaviors as a block and focusing on breaking the block down, start to wonder what’s behind the block. What is this block attempting to hold you back from?
Once you tap into that vision and that knowing, the block naturally fades away. Not because it’s easier to heal, but because it doesn’t matter as much anymore. What’s behind the block is all that matters now.
The path of light. The path of truth. That path of you. Focus there and you will feel the most incredible sense of belonging, love, and purpose that you’ve ever felt in your life.