Who Even Am I?
Who even am I?
Location: Little Rock, AR
Hometown: Pocahontas, AR
Eye color: Green…ish?
Hair color: Blondish brown…depends on the mood
Favorite food: Watermelon or fried okra
Favorite music: All of it, except country
Siblings: 1 brother
Parents: Yep, married for nearly 25 years and counting
Religion: Good question—grew up COC, found a baseline undressing in the Methodist religion…still seeking, always with God
Clearly, I can give you the basics; that’s about it. I have always believed in myself and always felt very attached to my inner being: a high sense of emotional intelligence, retrospective understanding of my core, devout empathy for others. But when you ask me who I am or who I want to be, I honestly have no clue.
With each new season of life, I find myself asking the question: Who am I, really?
I have come to learn that is the most important question I can answer. I know the following: I am an achiever; I have never met a to-do list I do not love, no matter the cost. My fear is I will continue through life thinking of myself as a checklist: job I enjoy (check?), financial security (check?), what is funny vs. what isn’t, etc. The thing is, there is so much in my life that I can’t check off. I find myself comparing those items to friends or colleagues, and it seems defeating.
For my whole life, I’ve heard, “You have it together.” What’s great is that, yes, I do have my life together. I’ve always been a bit of a fuddy-duddy in order to have certain aspects of my life together. However, I have to work to allow myself to explore who I truly am.
At some point, I realized: What would be the fun in life if we had it all figured out, all of the time? Recently, I committed to understanding the deeper meaning of my existence, purpose, and life as a whole. I am on a mission to lead a mindful and faith-filled life, experiencing all that God will allow and pouring into others along the way.
Roughly 30 days ago, I decided to pour into myself—to lean into myself, if you will. I hired a life coach, I adapted a new mindset when it comes to physical health and financial health, and I have been creating space to dream, all the while driven to deepen my relationship with Christ. It has been a lot of ME time. As selfish as it felt at first, I have come to learn that the journey begins and ends with God, with a deep belief in yourself and your abilities. You can transform your surroundings by aligning your passions and abilities with the mission God bestows. In these 30 days, I have learned a lot with respect to that question: Who even am I? However, I am not even close to fully cracking the code, and I find that exciting.