How To Radiate Grace Under Attack: The F Bomb And Chaos

As I sat in my bank’s drive thru, I felt lucky because I was the first in line and knew it would be quick. The teller took my information, and as I waited for less than 30 seconds, a woman pulled in behind me. No big deal, right? Maybe another 60 seconds passed when the woman revved her engine, put her car in reverse, and made her tires squeal and smoke as she drove up alongside me and into the bank parking lot, dropping the “F” bomb and other expletive language toward me…or was it at herself?. That is a whole other topic for a different article…

I was appalled by her impatience and anger. The teller and I looked at each other and couldn’t help, quite frankly, but laugh at her reaction. Not out of disrespect, but because it was a nervous laughter evoked from our alarm. I said, “WOW, she is one angry lady and she is heading inside the bank. Take a deep breath and smile when she comes in,” and off I drove.

This experience left me feeling grateful for being aware of and creating my choices in any given moment. There is power in choice. First, we make our choices and then our choices make us. I have always been “the glass is half full” kind of gal, but there was a decade when I entertained and wore the “Why me?”and  “What’s wrong with me?” signs proudly around my neck, mainly due to a loveless marriage with an abusive addict husband. It was also at that time that I started to confirm the direct link between my attitude and personal choices and the external results I experienced. That was the turning point for me. I witnessed the power of my intentions, the power of choosing the attitude of flow vs. restriction. No matter what type of thought presents itself, be it negative or positive, it begins a chain. A foundation for more of the same to follow.

I invite you to think of it this way: If you have the good fortune of having access to food, when you are hungry, you have two choices. You can choose to eat so you do not feel hunger or you can choose to wait to the point of wanting to gnaw your arm off. If you choose to take care of your need right away, then you feel satisfied. If you choose to wait, you may experience a headache. If you wait long enough, food becomes the only thing you think about. If you wait past a certain point, you may actually feel nauseated.

My positive points of view, choices, and reactions to situations created feel-good results that built upon one another. Honestly, it wasn’t easy at first. It took practice. I had to work at choosing good thoughts—go figure!

Eventually, though, the “work” became fun and exciting. I began to test myself to see how fast I could get out of my funk and bad mood. From experience, I know life becomes easier when you decide to take your power back and choose between the choices you create each day, in each moment.

One last example. Many years ago, I had a co-worker whom I didn’t “play well with in the sand box.”

My dilemma was that I had to interact with her. My choices rested in the fact that I could choose to be sour, upset, complain, and remember the reasons why I did NOT want to interact with her, OR accept it and find the silver lining. For a long while, I resisted and got on my soap box and complained. I muttered under my breath and felt miserable. Whenever we had a meeting, a call, or an email exchange, I allowed my whole day to be spent affected by her energy. But I know that what we resist, persists.

I was drained and unable to be present for my family in a manner that they deserved. I even lost sleep over the situation! I allowed a piece of my power, my energy, to be zapped. It took me several months, but I finally realized that I wasn’t practicing my own theory.

So I wrapped my head around the fact that she was there to stay and said to myself, “Get a grip.” I made the time to write out ten positive attributes of hers. What I found at the end of the 40-second experiment was a new way to look at her and feel better about my experiences with her. I am not exaggerating. It helped me to see her with compassion. I started understanding why she acted the way that she did. I felt sorry for her, and BINGO! My anger, dislike, impatience, and nervous energy toward this woman vanished! Months of stress evaporated. I wanted to help her!

Hocus pocus? I think not. I just made a choice.

Please be kind to yourself if you fall “off the wagon” and revert back to old negative habits, for it will happen. Circumstances out of your control will take place, and chaos could consume you. The beautiful thing is, you have hundreds of thousands of opportunities to choose again, and again and again and again…

Which choice will you make?

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About the Author | Pamella Horton

Pamella Horton BSW, MS, ICES™ is an International Cultural Engagement Specialist, an Employee Engagement Speaker and Founder of Maven's Connections and the callingtherealYOU Podcast. With an expertise in Mindset, Well-being, and Organizational Development, Pamella has helped thousands of employees live happier, healthier more successful lives.  She bridges the gap between a mediocre work experience to an extraordinary one for both employees and employers. Pamella provides a blueprint for companies to create and sustain a highly engaged business environment that results in acquiring top talent, improved employee retention and increased profit margins. A devoted Wife, Mother and life enthusiast, Pamella is honored to serve on the Board of Directors for the Sarasota-Manatee Human Resource Association, as well as, for the Foundation Of Possibilities.  If you hang out with Pamella long enough you will find yourself believing in yourself even more and knowing YOU can achieve anything.

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